Thirteen years ago, our second son was born. Brendon’s entrance into this world was quick and fairly easy, once real labor ensued. I was pleased at this occurrence… and then he began two hours of squalling. The first hour was triggered by general indignation at his new environment. The second hour seemed to be a reaction to the lights, once he finally opened his eyes.
Thus, I unknowingly had a portent of the first several years of his life. All during that time, I was attempting to deal with sleep deprivation, postpartum depression, pregnancy, two moves, and more postpartum depression. Brendon was having tummy troubles and sleep quirks, while being chronically cranky the first few months… then later we dealt with some health problems for both of us, as well as resulting issues. It didn’t help my attitude that he liked his Daddy more than he liked me, although it makes sense to me now that Kevin was a welcome relief to both me and Brendon when he came home from work.
Over time, we learned to understand Brendon’s needs and sensitivities and see unique traits that his Creator instilled in his personality. After that rough start it became apparent that though raising this determined little person wouldn’t always be easy, it would always be interesting. Kevin used to say of him, “He takes notions.” But I must say, that no matter what else was happening, I couldn’t have put in a custom order for a sweeter boy with a gentler spirit.
Now I can look back and see lessons I needed to learn about letting the Holy Spirit parent through me, rather than sticking to what I “knew” I should be doing. I remember moments of clarity, realizing God’s feelings for me, as I simultaneously experienced exasperation and the most overwhelming love and protective instinct I’ve ever felt for another human. I realized that there is grace enough to cover my shortcomings, and that I really don’t want to be my idea of a “perfect parent.” I want to be the parent God wants me to be for each child in every specific area; and if that means apologizing to a child and praying together, it can be one of the best moments of your relationship. If that means following an urge and going against convention to do what is best for your child, then watching God’s plan unfold will be worth any frustration involved and His strength will be made perfect in moments of human weakness.
It seems that the “hard” part of Brendon’s childhood has been over for some time. Though I could say many things about him, of prime significance are his resourcefulness, creativity and dependability. He is an observant, responsible young man with a sharp sense of humor. His conscience seems to function pretty well. I see maturity and spiritual growth in his life. He’s an excellent helper in Children’s Church, and I regularly get good reports on him from adults in several other areas at church, from other parents when he’s visiting them, etc. And one of my favorite things — he’s a great companion.
Having said all that, words fail me when I try to say how much I love him.
Copyright 2010 by Tammi Mossman.
