Aug

17

Categories: Children, Counting My Blessings, Faith, Grief

In Memoriam, Continued

One of the things I miss the most is that Danette was the only aunt or uncle living close-by my kids. She babysat them, and read to them and helped build things when they were small. For more than a decade, she cut their hair, took them on outings, came over for dinner and games and watched movies with them.

She told the kids not to talk back to their mother, told them to always seek God’s will and helped in general in our efforts to develop character in their lives. Even after she moved a distance away and we saw less of her, she never forgot birthdays, and she was always their favorite person to see when she could come and visit.

At Danette’s memorial service in June, only one member of the family felt like speaking to the attendees. Here is what my ten-year-old daughter wrote down to say about her aunt (and then, she stood up and read it all even though she had been crying):

Hello, I’m here to speak for my Aunt. She was a nice, kind-hearted soul. She was always the closest relative my family had. She was always helping us. She was my closest Aunt.

I think everyone in this room knows she is saved, so she isn’t really gone, she is here with us now! Even though we can’t see her it doesn’t mean we can’t believe in her presence. And we can believe God’s presence too. My favorite Bible verse is Romans 8:28: For all things work together for good to them that love God.

I think that what this means here is that it stopped her suffering. And now she is with God. And we will join her one day if we all believe in Christ Jesus our Savior. “If you love something, set it free” — she’s praising Jesus Christ and loving every second of it! And she’s waiting for our arrival.

My Mom used to say it helps you stop crying if you wipe your eyes. This is something that might not help. But what’s important is that she is happy — Family, Friends, to my Aunt Danette, I say Amen, God be with You.

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Copyright 2010 by Tammi Mossman.

Aug

16

Categories: Counting My Blessings, Grief, Uncategorized

In Memoriam: Danette Mossman-Tucker

I’ve been intending to write this post for quite awhile, and now I shall at least attempt a beginning…

I was missing Danette more yesterday than ever before, remembering a woman who was not only my relative by marriage, but my longtime dear friend and true “big sister.” She completely opened up her heart to me with sincerity and warmth, just because I was her brother’s new wife.

It didn’t take long for us to discover that we were kindred spirits, with similar backgrounds and scads of mutual interests. While neither of us was perfect, we truly grew a bond that weathered some awful life storms, and saw the best in each other even when we were exasperated with some of the worst — and I very much miss her laughter and wisdom and perspective and companionship.

Danette was the only member of the family, on either side, who was present for the birth of all three of my children. Kevin wasn’t even attendant at Aislynn’s birth, due to a misunderstanding about the emergency surgery, so Danette was the first person besides medical personnel to hold our Dolly.

To be continued…

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Copyright 2010 by Tammi Mossman.

May

4

Categories: Counting My Blessings, Encouragement, Health issues, Home, Parenting, Spiritual Growth

Now I’m the mother of two teenagers…

Thirteen years ago, our second son was born. Brendon’s entrance into this world was quick and fairly easy, once real labor ensued. I was pleased at this occurrence… and then he began two hours of squalling. The first hour was triggered by general indignation at his new environment. The second hour seemed to be a reaction to the lights, once he finally opened his eyes.

Thus, I unknowingly had a portent of the first several years of his life. All during that time, I was attempting to deal with sleep deprivation, postpartum depression, pregnancy, two moves, and more postpartum depression. Brendon was having tummy troubles and sleep quirks, while being chronically cranky the first few months… then later we dealt with some health problems for both of us, as well as resulting issues. It didn’t help my attitude that he liked his Daddy more than he liked me, although it makes sense to me now that Kevin was a welcome relief to both me and Brendon when he came home from work.

Over time, we learned to understand Brendon’s needs and sensitivities and see unique traits that his Creator instilled in his personality. After that rough start it became apparent that though raising this determined little person wouldn’t always be easy, it would always be interesting. Kevin used to say of him, “He takes notions.” But I must say, that no matter what else was happening, I couldn’t have put in a custom order for a sweeter boy with a gentler spirit.

Now I can look back and see lessons I needed to learn about letting the Holy Spirit parent through me, rather than sticking to what I “knew” I should be doing. I remember moments of clarity, realizing God’s feelings for me, as I simultaneously experienced exasperation and the most overwhelming love and protective instinct I’ve ever felt for another human. I realized that there is grace enough to cover my shortcomings, and that I really don’t want to be my idea of a “perfect parent.” I want to be the parent God wants me to be for each child in every specific area; and if that means apologizing to a child and praying together, it can be one of the best moments of your relationship. If that means following an urge and going against convention to do what is best for your child, then watching God’s plan unfold will be worth any frustration involved and His strength will be made perfect in moments of human weakness.

It seems that the “hard” part of Brendon’s childhood has been over for some time. Though I could say many things about him, of prime significance are his resourcefulness, creativity and dependability. He is an observant, responsible young man with a sharp sense of humor. His conscience seems to function pretty well. I see maturity and spiritual growth in his life. He’s an excellent helper in Children’s Church, and I regularly get good reports on him from adults in several other areas at church, from other parents when he’s visiting them, etc. And one of my favorite things — he’s a great companion.

Having said all that, words fail me when I try to say how much I love him.

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Copyright 2010 by Tammi Mossman.

Apr

30

Categories: Counting My Blessings, Encouragement, Faith, Spiritual Growth

Where we’re standing right now

In November, I posted this blog entry –

http://ktmossman.com/tryinglesstrustingmore/?p=59

Monday night, a week later, Kevin was conducting family devotions. He asked us to consider what our answer would be if Jesus said we had two choices for 2010:

A. We could have any Christmas or birthday gifts we asked for; we’d have no arguments or unpleasantness with any friends or family; pretty much everything would go our way… but we wouldn’t get any closer to Him, we’d have no spiritual growth.

B. It might be a really tough year; trials and tribulations might abound, but no matter what happened, we were going to be much closer to Jesus at the end of it.

The next morning, the Tuesday before Thanksgiving week, Kevin lost his job. My first thought was that God had already provided encouragement for me to strengthen my faith, when I found and posted that blog entry the previous week.

When we told the kids Kevin was unemployed, Brendon asked, “OK, who chose ‘B’ last night?!” Everyone but him had chosen ‘B,’ and he never revealed his choice… I told him he might as well choose it, since he would have to come along on whatever ride the rest of us were taking.

In January we deduced that God wanted us to give a large percentage of any income, gifts, etc. that we received. This amount is far beyond tithe, and more than we’ve ever consistently given before no matter our circumstances. Finances/giving is the only area we see in Scripture where God dares us to try Him and see what He will do in return.

We were finished with any severance $$ in February. Now, at the end of April, there is still no job for Kevin. But as of this date, every regular bill, car payment, rent, etc. is current — because God has provided. I’ll admit to wondering what His plan might be about May’s rent, but in a calm, conversational way, not in a “Lord, do you remember we’re down here?!” way.

Sometimes the words to a Larnelle Harris song goes through my mind. “Children, lift your voices! The Father hath provided again!”

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Copyright 2010 by Tammi Mossman.

Apr

2

Categories: Counting My Blessings, Home

Tags: bulk sales, fundraisers, production line artisan jewelry, sales incentives

Good news for the week

I now have my own “production” line of jewelry. This is in addition to other custom orders and jewelry I was already selling online or giving to friends. I received a $250 order this week with more to follow from a friend’s aunt, and she’s showing my samples and price list to other Mary Kay managers.

http://www.etsy.com/shop/mybeadsandbooks?section_id=6753014

This equals a very :~) me!

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Copyright 2010 by Tammi Mossman.

Feb

18

Categories: Counting My Blessings, Encouragement, Faith, Spiritual Growth

Tags: Romance, Valentine's Day

Romance Realized

“New moon, true moon, trusty, tell me who my true love must be; the color of his eyes, the color of his hair, and the everyday clothes that he used to wear.”

Put a piece of wedding cake underneath your pillow, chant the above, then lay down to sleep… you’ll dream of the man you’re to marry. That’s what my teenaged great-grandmother and her friends were told; and much excited, they tried it.

Martha dreamed she was walking along a dirt road and saw a man in a field with his horse and plow. He was dressed a particular way… an outfit she recognized when she first saw him a few months later. He had just moved into the area and begun to farm. Soon after, he needed a housekeeper, and she was hired for the job. It wasn’t long before they fancied one another and decided to set a wedding date. The dream and the outcome was the most romantic real story I ever heard as a child.

Five children, fourteen grandchildren and scads of great-grandchildren were the result of their union. Real life turned out to have little romance, however. Alfred had a horrible temper, tales of which were still told thirty years after his death. He and Martha grew estranged, and if she ever knew about the “other child” he fathered, she never mentioned it. (Her children didn’t find out until they were very old, when their surprise half-brother came looking for a picture of his father.)

She outlived him by several decades, and had some time for a more peaceful life. I don’t recall ever hearing loving words about him, only details of memorable incidents, including physical abuse. No talk of missing him, no emphasis on positive, lasting traits passed down from his side; whereas, my main memory of her was seeing her big black Bible in her lap every morning, even when her fingers were so stiff she needed help to turn the pages.

I don’t know at what point she accepted Christ into her life. Was she a Christian as a child, but only accepted Jesus as the lover of her soul through life’s disappointments? Did she recognize the significance of His love for her right away, or did she learn to depend on it over time? Whatever the details of her journey, she made her relationship with her True Love a priority, influencing lives down through her offspring, creating memories and lessons as pieces of a godly heritage.

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Copyright 2010 by Tammi Mossman.

Jan

23

Categories: Children, Counting My Blessings, Faith, Parenting

Our someday daughter

We’ve always been open to the idea of having another child by adoption, and I realized the other night that it’s time. Kevin feels the same, and has surprised me with some of his anticipatory comments and enthusiasm. I even pointed out that if we do this, we will put off by 6-10 years the Empty Nest Syndrome that I’m dreading and HE’s anticipating, and he just laughed.

We’re agreed on a girl, and Kevin asked what ages we were thinking because he doesn’t want to do diapers again. I said optimally 1-4 yrs, and of course depending on how old she is when we’re matched, she could be 5 or 6 when she joins our family. I would prefer less culture-shock and adjustment to a new family for her, so the younger the better in that regard. I’m open to a pair of siblings so they wouldn’t be separated — but if that came up in the process, we’d have to be in agreement.

So, we’re planning to adopt from Haiti. We’re both researching and reading, and one grandma, four aunts and many friends are already joining us in praying over her. Please add some prayers of your own.

I haven’t been able to get to sleep easily for several nights because I can’t concentrate on my book for thinking of her and praying. Aislynn has mentioned before that she really wished she had a sister, but when I told her it could be a reality and to ask the Lord, she was very excited. She’s planning how she’ll share her room, and wants to appropriate Brendon’s bunk beds.

We’re going to try to get on a fostering list ASAP, with adoption later on if our child’s orphan status can be verified. With the mass graves in Haiti and no time for identification of bodies, who knows how long the Haitian government will wait for adoption approval. That will be one more area to trust God and watch Him at work.

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Copyright 2010 by Tammi Mossman.

Nov

11

Categories: Counting My Blessings, Encouragement, Faith, Spiritual Growth

Reminiscing: November, 2003

From a Thankful Heart, 11/03

We’ve had tremendous reasons for counting our blessings during this past year. For those who may not know, Kevin was unemployed for nine months, then had a temporary job for three months before finding a permanent position. After that extended period, we finally had to declare bankruptcy, and gave up our house in the process. Looking now at more of an overall picture, those events seem far less significant than we deemed them at the time. For just one area of examples…

Financially, we were “making ends meet” far longer than we expected, due to some of Kevin’s decisions as his job was terminated – at one point, it didn’t seem to make sense, the order in which things happened, but we could see God’s plan and provision. Kevin qualified for unemployment, and God guided my business endeavors, which resources took care of our basic necessities and most bills for a while longer. However, our own planning and efforts could only go so far in our set of circumstances.

At different times, particularly when we were not doing well, financially or emotionally, God blessed us through benevolence from the church as a whole, then from individual members of the church family. We received anonymous offerings, occasionally someone handed one of us an envelope with a hug, some thoughtful soul(s) mailed us Publix gift certificates during the holidays, and we frequently carried home bags and boxes of groceries from friends who shopped for our family as they provided for their own. One family single-handedly kept us going with a huge donation that almost completely paid the utilities and car payment for two months.

Clothes for the kids, little extras that people generally take for granted, someone paying for a prescription I needed, gifts for the kids at Christmas… this doesn’t mean that every time we walked through the church doors, something happened to benefit our circumstances, but there was certainly a lot of provision! I’m sure I’m forgetting something, because there was simply so much – but my heart will remember the love and concern long after details have faded away.

None of this should seem odd, it’s what Christians are supposed to do, how a caring church is supposed to act — except that after a life-time in church, neither Kevin nor I have ever experienced such a constancy of concern and generosity, such an outpouring long after the initial needs were generally known. Thank you for all your prayers, hugs, notes of encouragement, inquiries for particular needs, donations of every kind, and for your ministry to us, responding in love at so many levels.

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Copyright 2010 by Tammi Mossman.

Nov

5

Categories: Children, Counting My Blessings, Grief

My missing child

Shortly after our eldest child’s first birthday (Zander), we discovered that another little gift would join our family in 1996. I thought it would be a girl, so during early days, only female names were really discussed. I was delighted to have no morning sickness, after spending six months in the bathroom while carrying Zander.

It seems I have to be really sick to carry healthy children to term. By the beginning of the second trimester, Bethany Kathleen was no longer with us — we discovered this during the first week of February. To bypass the grieving first months, then the few years when the actual anniversary was really hard — after all these years, sometimes I don’t even remember on “the day.” But February comes and a general feeling of sadness appears, sometimes just barely there for a few days, sometimes for weeks, and then it goes away. Sometimes I cry, sometimes I try to ignore it because I’m too busy to be maudlin — this year, I was dealing with insomnia during that time, so I chose to look back and count blessings during the quiet night hours.

*I had a loving, tender-hearted husband as a companion on that journey. He may have never felt he did enough, but he could not have tried harder to understand my feelings and comfort me.

*I was tearful with relief when morning sickness first appeared during my next two pregnancies, while I was carrying Brendon and Aislynn.

*I feel most fortunate — I have several friends who lost multiple children through miscarriages. I feel slightly guilty — my grieving was easy, compared to that suffered by those who lose a child to stillbirth.

*Whatever might have been the flaw with Bethany, I’m glad that she didn’t have to live with pain.

*We have our wonderful, sweet Brendon — the way life was timed, if Bethany had survived, Brendon wouldn’t exist.

*The thought that brought me the most comfort when my grandmother died was that she and my baby had just met each other somewhere in Heaven.

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Copyright 2010 by Tammi Mossman.

Sep

30

Categories: Counting My Blessings, Parenting

Zander

My eldest child will turn 15 tomorrow. He’s sweet, helpful, responsible, funny, trustworthy, and kind to everyone but his brother. He’s a problem-solver, and possibly the least self-absorbed teenager I know. 95% of the time he’s a joy, and the other 5% of the time I blame on hormones and sin-nature.

I see him nurturing and teaching younger folks as opportunities arise. I see him concerned about the losses and pain of others. I see that he respects women, authority figures, elderly people and little kids alike. I see him willing to lend help wherever he can fill a need, whether it be church, home, neighborhood or aiding in a disaster relief project.

He’s becoming more independent as he matures, and I think he’s turning into a wonderful young adult. For some reason the topic arose one day, and I told him that it wasn’t my job to be his friend, I had to be his parent — but that when he’s an adult, I couldn’t be more honored than if he wishes to be friends. I’m greatly anticipating that day. Beyond love, I really do like this person.

:~)

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Copyright 2010 by Tammi Mossman.

May

1

Categories: Counting My Blessings, Home

Happylujah

After today we’re finished at the old house. The emerging feeling of relief is on a par with the happy ending of a pregnancy — which only someone who has been there miserably can appreciate. Kevin was working a LOT and stressed, then sick and in bed for three days, then not much energy for a few days, then we were down to this past weekend and running out of time. I have fought a sinus infection for a week and the depths of despair for longer. Thank the Lord for a very understanding landlord who gave us an extra day, a providential ending to an interminable month.

The kids had two weeks of Spring Break on purpose for packing and moving and moving and unpacking, then the past week off because of all the problems and priorities, so this afternoon we MUST have school! We’re already going well into June to meet requirements, and a kid or two are even considering Saturday school so they’ll be out sooner.

And then the next step will be groceries and a renewed focus on nutrition, because from the few available choices the boys and I are eating chicken pot pies for breakfast while Aislynn is having blueberry waffles and Dr. Pepper.

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Copyright 2010 by Tammi Mossman.

Apr

27

Categories: Children, Counting My Blessings, Home, Parenting

Dolly, this morning

“Do you realize what a wonderful Daddy we have? He’s one of the greatest mens in the world.”

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Copyright 2010 by Tammi Mossman.

Feb

22

Categories: Children, Counting My Blessings, Parenting

This is so sweet

I told my middle child to write a letter for school –

Dear Dad,

I love you so much. I’m praying for you. I hope you do good in work.

Love, B___ (with artwork)

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Copyright 2010 by Tammi Mossman.

Sep

8

Categories: Children, Counting My Blessings, Parenting

Zander go “boom”

My eldest child had an accident on a non-motorized scooter and went headfirst on the road. He has road-rash all over his abdomen and chest and arms, and very scraped up elbows and knees, and what appeared to be a gash over his eyebrow. Kevin has him at the ER to make sure he doesn’t need stitches, and that he didn’t land on a wrist; Z wasn’t sure, and it could have been a scrape or could’ve been how he landed w/scrapes in the process. At the very least, he’s probably going to have a tetanus shot (which will not thrill him), since I don’t think he’s current and he was getting one in October.

Update on the boy… his right wrist is broken, in a kind of L-shape that has the doctor concerned about it healing properly and we’re going to have to follow-up with an orthopedic visit. She’ll see what kind of cast she wants on it, in the meantime he’ll have to be careful with this temporary thing. He had glue instead of stitches on his forehead, and didn’t have to have a tetanus shot because he was current after all. He’s pleased that at least he broke the hand/side he uses to write…

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Copyright 2010 by Tammi Mossman.

Feb

4

Categories: Children, Counting My Blessings, Faith, Parenting

Welcome to the Kingdom

Today, Aislynn became a Christian.

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Copyright 2010 by Tammi Mossman.