(Alexander is my eldest, “Zander” is his nickname.)
Me, to Zander: What is wrong with you?
Z, in his Scottish accent: Would you be wantin’ the list chronologically, or alphabetically, Lassie?
“That’s not boring. That’s supercalifragilisticexpiali-snorus.”
Zander handed in his project, and I said, “Do you want to do X or Y subject next?” He said, “I want to study the inside of my eyelids.”
Zander, regarding frequent flatulence: “God gave me a gift. I want to use it for Science.”
Z and I were eating leftover spinach and drinking o.j./gingerale punch.
Me: We’re having an iron, vitamin E, vitamin C and fiber snack.
Z: You’re making me feel like an old person.
“An interestingly disappointing thing about being home schooled is that I can’t drop-out of high school.”
“Mom, I know, you see a baby and you want another one… (Me, telling him I don’t, and him paying no attention) but then you remember — it would turn out like Brendon and Aislynn.”
A, shaking her head at Z: Mom, where did you go wrong? Z: First, she had more than one kid…
“Mom, your printer has an error — there’s a cat on top of it.”
Zander watched Aislynn swoop in and steal a property bid from me at the last minute on Wii Monopoly, then said “That was adorably diabolical!”
B: I can’t get out the door, the dog will jump on me. I’m wearing shorts.
Z: That’s a chance we’re willing to take, Brendon!
Me: is it possible for your brother and sister to go three whole minutes without noise of some sort?
Zander: depends… Do you have any duct tape?
I got a result of “normal” on a Do You Have a Psychological Disorder? quiz. Zander said, “Of course, ‘normal’ is a relative term.”
I was learning a new game. Zander said “Think of me as tech support, but I’m not halfway around the world and I don’t have an Indian accent.”
“I’ll rise, but I refuse to shine.”
Zander, to Aislynn, “See, some old things ARE better — like Mom.”
Z: Are any of these guys comedians?
Me: Why would comedians be in an Astronomy book?
Z, pointing to Uranus: Because the discoverer gets to name it!
Zander was supposed to list “three inventions that greatly changed our lives.” His answer: steam engine, printing press, cheeseburger.
A earned her yellow belt. Z told her, “Great job!” I thought “Aww” but then he went on, “you see, w/out the color yellow, our pee would be colorless & boring.”
Copyright 2010 by Tammi Mossman.
